SVA Forum

admindoc · Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 11:29 am Post subject: I had to laugh!!

A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex..

Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'

A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Paddy guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time..'

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.' Paddy replied, 'No it ain't, Mick. It's not rigged at all at all. My wife won twice last week.'

Cheers
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Angela Dawson
The Admin Doctor
t: 01670 618628 / 07855746777
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OfficeStuff · Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:00 pm Post subject:

Well that brought a smile to my face on this grey, window, snowy Welsh Monday, as I sniff my way through a Somerfield kitchen roll (too soft to be any good in the kitchen, but jolly nice for sore noses). Second dose of the lurgy - one just before Christmas which I don't think I'd entirely recovered from, and now, wham, another. I need a holiday in Goa, being massaged by the warm sea... On second thoughts, no, just give me a cold drink (itchy throat), a hot water bottle, two cats and a good book. I'm not fit for human consumption.
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Carole Meyrick
Office Stuff
Perfectly Practical Office Support

OfficeStuff · Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:08 pm Post subject:

Ooops. Sorry, meant windy, not window. Not a well girl.
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Carole Meyrick
Office Stuff
Perfectly Practical Office Support

admindoc · Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:09 pm Post subject:

Ahh Carole, you sound really miserable if you don't mind me saying! Here's another funny to cheer you up...

**
So, after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many
retirees, I lasted less than a day......

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive,
mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling
obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. As I had been
instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't
twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you
think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'

So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't
believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at
Wal-Mart.'

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work
**

Hope you're feeling better very soon and here's a big hug from me!!!
_________________
Angela Dawson
The Admin Doctor
t: 01670 618628 / 07855746777
http://www.theadmindoc.co.uk

For monthly SVA training sessions please visit: http://tinyurl.com/39abrt or to support SVA please donate to: http://tinyurl.com/37urec

OfficeStuff · Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 7:24 pm Post subject:

Awww, shucks. Thanks. Much appreciated.

I'm just going to print off both funnies so that Himself can join in the fun, and then I'm going to get hottie bottie, my mum's patchwork blanket and curl up on the sofa in front of the fire.
_________________
Carole Meyrick
Office Stuff
Perfectly Practical Office Support

jackie · Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 7:32 pm Post subject:

Here's a cold cure I found on the internet once in desperation. And it works for colds just starting.

I was at the theatre on a Thursday evening and felt a cold starting. By the time I got home, I was sneezing and sniffling and had gone through a box of hankies. As I was due to go on a night out I couldn't get out of on the Saturday, I was desperate so googled 'cold cure' and found this. I was so desperate I tried it. By Saturday lunchtime, having admitted to my other half the night before I had a wee cold, but it was going... I was in the hairdresser - no red nose, no sneeze, no sniffle, nothing. I enjoyed the night out that night.

So try it if you're desperate. Just one word of caution: it needs pure dedication to the cure so if you're busy you are unlikely to be able to manage it:

I'd love to know how people get on with it though!

It is not unreasonable to figure that the reason for why a common cold doesn't go away in a few hours is that you are reinfecting yourself through the respiratory tract. The germs in your throat are multiplying at great speed.

Persistently sipping from half-pints of hot water (as hot as possible) continually kills the bacteria responsible for the continued presence of cold symptoms. This does NOT mean to do it as you always have, where you take five or six, maybe even eight sips of hot liquid, and then drink the rest of it warm. That has limited benefit - limited, of course, to the benefits produced by a few sips of hot tea, versus the benefits of sipping a cup of tea.
Instead, use this excellent shortcut, wherein the shortcut is successful no less than ninety percent of the time, works hugely and instantly, provided you include the foundation of you drinking more hot tea.
You don't even need to increase the number of cups of tea!! It DOES mean sipping more of the cups of tea that you DO have. It means some two hundred or more hot sips or mouthfuls of piping hot liquid within those first 24 hours.
If the water is warm or tepid, it's not doing its primary job of killing the bacteria. Must be hot, must be repeated, again and again and again. In between cups or bowls of hot liquid, cool fresh water maintains the flushing function. Pints of clean fresh water help accomplish the primary task, flushing out the body.
You can flavor the hot water as you wish, with soup, tea, etc., as long as food is mostly avoided for just 12 to 18 hours. Food demands a great deal of the body's resources when it's not food from the ground.
Considering what most of us put into our bodies regularly, it's far, far more effective to allow the body to focus on getting rid of the cold and clearing up the systems quickly, rather than being distracted by the enormity of digestion and its attendant and ancillary functions.